Perfect vision. I have prided myself by saying, "I have 20/20!" And then BOOM!
I turned 43 and...shit...overnight, I needed reading glasses to find my reading glasses. I've tried to compensate over the years. Now, sometimes I can actually find them because I use them as a hair accessory...kinda like a scrunchie...remember them? I think they died a slow death in the nineties along with fanny packs...frightful. Oh, yeah, and I'm starting to get dents in both sides of my head from the arms of my glasses. Is that normal or is that doing something to the outside of my brain? I wonder.
At last count, I have about forty-seven pair of glasses scattered throughout various place in my little world. Car - check. Kitchen - check. Bedroom - check. Back of the toilet - check. Home office - okay, let's not go there again. I know they are under something in there somewhere. I actually Velcroed a pair to my computer. Okay, not really...but I thought it would be genius, just never remember to do it. Ugh.
I could start wearing those beaded eyeglass necklaces. Some people buy one to match each of their outfits. A fashion statement, really? Not a fan. Although in looking at my pitiful wardrobe lately, one black necklace would probably suffice. Such a sad closet. I so need to shop.
Just for the record, my theory is that "old age" has nothing, let me repeat nothing, to do with needing reading glasses. I think the key factor to poor eyesight is when are old enough to be paying your own electric bills and then you add teenage kids to the mix. The kids get older and then you need glasses. It has nothing to do with YOU getting older.
Haven't you noticed that teenage kids leave every light in the house on? You become vividly aware that your electric bill is skyrocketing. So, you - and your husband because you threaten him - compensate by dimming every light and unplugging the toaster in order to save, save, save. Oh, yes, and conserve, conserve, conserve. Which reminds me...when I was little, being "green" simply reminded me of the grinch. My kids have been taught about living "green" since they were little and they are the ones wasting energy? Crazy.
Anyway, back to the eyesight thing. All of a sudden, you're saving. You're conserving. It's dark. You need glasses because you are trying like hell to function in the dark and your eyes are screaming I wanna see the light. As you're trying to adjust you electric bill, your pupils are adjusting to the dark. They're so confused, they just give up. Hence, reading glasses.
So, there you have it folks. Have no fear. It couldn't possibly be that you're middle aged or getting old. No way. It's much simpler than that...your eyes take the brunt of your kids leaving the lights on.
Well, anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
